Networking is hard. As a self-proclaimed introvert and someone who struggles with imposter syndrome more frequently than I’d like to admit, I’ve had to grapple with the fact that not only is networking hard, but it’s necessary. For me, this thought has been daunting, namely since moving to Silicon Valley. Why is something that is so vital to my career so difficult for me to enjoy?
“It’s not what you know. It’s who you know,” is a common phrase that I’m sure you’ve heard, and maybe even rolled your eyes at. For me, however, this phrase continues to hold true. I’ve made my way through my career mainly through leveraging my network strategically. It wasn’t always fun. Too many events, too many phone calls, too many coffee chats, thank you emails, lack-of-boundaries, late nights,–you name it.
Uh-oh. Feeling drained from networking?
When I joined Techstars, socializing became my full-time job. Working with founders daily on their businesses, attending events, interacting with investors, sourcing for the next cohort, etc.
At first, it was completely exhausting. I started to think that maybe I’m not cut out for this world. Maybe my dreams of being in venture capital were clouded by an idea of who I thought I was (a professional networker?! Not this girl!).
Now that I’ve been with the company since April, I’ve learned a few things. I’ve learned how to LOVE networking. I’ve learned how to LOVE attending events. I’ve learned how to LOVE sending those thank you emails and follow-ups.
Here are the things I’ve learned that have helped me enjoy networking:
- Reframe your mindset. You’re just socializing.
Turns out, professional networking is pretty similar to personal networking (with the addition of professional behavior & boundaries). I’ve learned that the most valuable connections I’ve made professionally are with those that I genuinely enjoy talking to. I.e. making friends. Be authentic and people gravitate to you naturally. People want to do you favors and introduce their network to you when they see you as a friend and not as another email to respond to.
- Find commonalities.
I was having a hard time getting value out of networking events and asked my colleague if I could come to a few events with him. He has a lot more experience and connections in the Bay Area than I do, so this was a no-brainer. He was able to introduce me to people and generally make me feel more comfortable in that type of environment.
Don’t have someone you can tag along with? Choose events that are familiar, either in industry or having a connection with the host/location. Try to find any commonalities that you can. You’ll feel much more comfortable.
When talking to people, ask questions like “how do you know the host”, “how are you involved with this firm?”, etc. You’re both at the event, so boom! Commonality #1. Go from there.
- Interrupt people. Seriously.
By attending events with my colleague, I quickly realized he was a master networker. He said this came with practice, but for me, I needed a formula. I started observing how he and the other “extroverts” at events communicated. The people who seemed the most comfortable being there–what were they doing and saying?
I found that a common method of getting a conversation going was walking up to a group of people (2-4) who were already talking and inserting themselves in the conversation. My mind was BLOWN! You’re at a networking event, no one is going to judge you for literally networking.
- Be intentional.
For me, this was key. When I first started this job, I was going to any and every event that I could find (and there’s so many in San Francisco). No wonder I got burnt out so quickly.
As an introvert, I feed off of alone time. I was mentally and physically exhausted. I realized that I’m personally not interested in verticals like hardware, b2b saas, web3, etc. I am interested in sustainability, climate tech, ed tech, and sometimes ecommerce.
Sometimes I would go to a networking event, ask a founder what their company did, and zone out within 5 seconds. Sometimes this would happen back-to-back in conversations during the whole event.
There was a pattern that if I was consistently zoning out and bored, I wasn’t getting value. That allowed me to start narrowing down the type of events and conversations that I wanted to have. Gauge the events that you attend and who you talk to based on your interests–you’ll have more fun.
- Listen more. Way more.
Talking is exhausting. Physically and mentally exhausting, especially for introverts. Luckily for you, people love talking about themselves (especially the extroverts in business who tend to go to these events).
Ask people questions about themselves. Then ask follow up questions. When someone gives an opinion on something, ask them to elaborate. Spend 75% of your time listening and 25% of your time talking.
Common questions to ask at networking events:
- How do you know the host? How did you hear about this event?
- What do you do? What does your company do?
- Are you based in the area? (This is great for popular places like San Francisco, New York, etc. since a lot of people are traveling).
- How long have you worked in the industry?
Yes, introverts can be great at networking.
We all know networking is important, but it can be hard as an introvert to do it successfully and actually enjoy it. I’m not perfect at it, but I’m happy to share that I’ve grown a lot and my relationship with networking has drastically improved since shifting my mindset and being more intentional.
Let me know in the comments if you have any tips for mastering networking!
